Being chronically ill is like trying to live on a teeter totter by yourself. Dealing with sickness, pain, depression and anger is common. Sometimes it is really hard to stay positive, especially when occasionally it seems like you just got catapulted off the darn thing and you don’t know when and where you will land, or if you will land softly. Sometimes just the fear of what could happen during a flair up catches you off guard.
In Jesus, I live here. He makes the really bad times bearable because He always offers blessings, even if I can’t see them easily.
For sure, I have asked God to heal me. He said, “Not yet.” For the time being I am relying on Him for peace. His word says He already provided it for me. I am also trying to focus on every blessing in my life because He deserves my praise and not my crappy attitude because my body hurts, or my head is foggy, or anxiety is producing physical responses that are uncomfortable…or an infection has popped up. Having a thankful heart not only honors God but helps me feel happier too.
One of my friends has been live with her chronic illness longer than me and her illness makes it hard for her to get enough oxygen. She too has pain, swelling, inflammation and anxiety…and LOTS of emotions! We were talking the other day and she let me know she was extremely angry and had had a blowout with God. I listened; she does this for me when I am on tilt. Her words reminded me of times I get mad at God too.
Why wouldn’t He want to heal me? Sleeping doesn’t sound like serving…I can serve Him better if am not healing…Didn’t He promise me a life of blessing and no cursing?
My friend didn’t say anything foreign to me. The last time I was where she was, I finally learned not to worry about WHEN He will heal me. Maybe He wont heal my body. Maybe He is only concerned about my spirit. Maybe I can’t see what He is doing while I go through the ups and downs of chronic illness — the reason it is called chronic illness is because it doesn’t go away. My friend told me she only wants to be healed. Don’t be confused, this same friend is incredibly encouraging and inspiring to not only me, her doctors, specialists, nurses, caregivers and her family but also to the hundreds of people who follow her blog and social networking sites; she was just stuck. It happens to us all. I know God has her.
“If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you.” John 15:7
When you read John 15:7 quickly you might think: Hey I believe in Jesus! If I ask Him for what I think my heart’s desire is, He has to give it to me. But that is not what this verse says.
If I live in Jesus’ new life and if His words live in me, I will ask Him what my heart’s desire is. He will give me what He knows we need out of His knowledge of all things.
Yes, I still ask God to heal my body, but in His strength I also am inspired to ask Jesus to find glory in my life and help me see His blessings and peace.
Today is a good day. My legs are only a little enflamed. My head only aches slightly. There is a little fear lurking because I haven’t had a flair up in a long time but I live in Jesus and His word does live in me. I will praise Him for the trials and the valleys and mountain tops, for His salvation and all the wonderful surprises that He shows me when I am not looking for them.
Thank You Jesus that You fulfilled all God’s promises and that You made it possible for me to be in relationship with the Father. Thank You that make it possible for me to live life more abundantly. Thank You that You gave Your life for me and that You let me share in Your new life. Amen
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My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
The Lord is with you always.