I have decided that there is no magic pill…that was always the answer I just didn’t want to think that. I was taking 2 different meds to help me with living with anxiety disorder and the one meant to help me sleep didn’t always work. I had decided it didn’t work and planned to talk to the dr about it on my next appointment. Meanwhile I have been going to a Living Well with Chronic Illness class and have finally made peace that I must choose to live on a schedule so I can accomplish my personal goals and as I was beginning to see success…it was time to go to the appointment.
My dr is not available for the summer and I had a new one. She heard me say that one was not working and I don’t think she had read my file. The new med made me crazy! When I wasn’t sleeping (which wasn’t much of the time) I was constantly in some stage of an anxiety attack and as hopelessness was rearing it’s ugly head…the feeling before suicidal thoughts for me…I knew I couldn’t finish the week of trial I had committed myself to.
I wish I had thought about how life was in that moment before I walked into the dr’s office, however I can’t beat myself up about that. Day 2 back to the old medication and I feel like I have put myself back 2 months…I am not going to beat myself up about that either…at least anymore…I have been problem solving and made a few plans to help me have a smoother start to my days and working toward getting on a schedule that includes daily exercise, meal times, sleep and wake times and looking forward to being the best Summer I can be.
I am so thankful for my God who is strong and always there and for making Karen G Clemenson, who is also strong, consistent and positive!