Codependent No More by Melody Beattie Chapter 13 Notes | Clemenson Enterprises, LLC

Feel Your Own Feelings

There are people that I have withdrawn so completely from, emotionally, that they don’t know me at all. I have known them my whole life. I love them. I know they love me. At an earlier time in my life, I learned it was dangerous to trust them because they could absolutely crush me. My “going away” only made me stuff all the emotions I felt because of their actions. Until I became so overloaded with emotions that I could not bear even seeing them.

Codependency in families causes great pain because it forces people who care for each other to reject emotional honesty and require us to lie to each other because our feelings or thoughts may provoke such unpleasant reactions from others. When we are told our feelings don’t matter, are inappropriate or wrong we sometimes stop listening to ourselves or feel rejected, hopeless or unimportant. Some of us even become afraid of our emotions. We focus on other’s feelings by controlling or worrying about them or trying to be savior. But we don’t take care of our own feelings. We fail to make important decisions for self-care because we can’t.

Dealing with our feeling is vital to our own health.

  • Our feelings help us connect to others and feel close to them.
  • Uncomfortable feelings are meant to tell us something is wrong.
  • Good feelings let us know we are safe.
  • Repeated hurt and emotional pain tells us to stay away.

Our emotions can show us our own desires, wants, ambitions. On the other side of our emotions, emotional pain can lead to fear that can stop us from doing what we need or want to do.

  • Repressing or denying feelings can cause sickness and weakness in our body.
  • Feelings are energy.
  • Repressed feelings block our energy.
  • Repressed feelings don’t go away, in fact they become stronger and they leak when we don’t want them to.
  • Repressed feelings make us nervous and incapable of relaxing.
  • Repressed feelings stop us from feeling good feelings
  • Repressed feelings stop us from feelings our instincts and awareness of our environment and our ability to keep ourselves safe.

It is appropriate to feel all our feelings, then asses them to decide if there is something we can do about the situation causing the emotion.

If emotions are from old bad habits how can you change your thoughts?

codependentnomorebymelodybeattieSometimes we will need to detach from a situation until our feelings aren’t so strong. Sometimes we need to talk with someone to help us deal with our emotions.

Our feelings should not control us. Feeling angry doesn’t justify yelling and biting. Feeling sad doesn’t have to keep us in bed.

We must own our feelings. No one can make me feel anything. Other people’s behavior can help us feel, but they also can’t change how we feel. We must be responsible for our own feelings. We should be considerate of other’s feelings, but also our own.

Ways to practice and get in touch with feelings;

  • physical exercise
  • writer letters that wont be sent
  • talk with people we feel safe with
  • meditation

Feel free to leave your comments below!

My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.

Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.

If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:

Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.

I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.

I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.


The Lord is with you always.

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