Detachment is not detaching from loved ones but the agony of involvement.
Questions We Must Ask of Ourselves
- What am I feelings?
- What do I think?
- What do I need to take care of myself?
- I am worried about myself. I don’t make good choices for my health; or rather I torment myself with part of my the wants to stay mad at myself for becoming so fat, for letting other’s issues affect me and cause me to be reactionary against myself. I fight laziness, routine, workouts, eating enough, too much, not drinking enough or too much. I am angry that my weight has lypiondema, chronic cellulitis and diabetes; and all these things work against me and themselves and are emotional triggers to Anxiety and Panic and OCD. I hate that there is an overly critical, judgmental and angry voice in my head and sometimes she is all I can hear. She reminds me of things that happened 20-30 years ago and are not happening or don’t have to affect me now. All this is stealing my life; it enables me to not work and remain poor – which I hate because it takes away choices I would like the opportunity to make and experiences I would like to have. I need to have quiet so I can follow through with my decisions – or even have the ability to weigh options and make decisions. I need my family to stay away so they don’t add to the noise, yet also, as individuals to are enough to call or send a note of encouragement – but I know I must stop waiting for that. I must detach from that because they are not thoughtful toward me. I have been the whipping boy of so long. I need to stop abusing myself and do for myself, what they can’t.I feel sad and tired because I don’t know how to stop obsessing about what I can’t change today and just handle today. I want to feel worthy of healthy friends and expectations from more than Karen. She has enough to carry.
- Detaching from my past sounds good – regardless of how many times I have failed trying. I recognize that I don’t know how to stop obsessing by myself or detach from problems I can’t fix or let go of today. Holding them had not made my life more joyful. I know I might be a better person, more capably and healthy if I could focus on what I can do today. Holding on has only made me more sick and weak.
- If I didn’t have these fears and obsessions, I might be healthier and more able to help Karen build her company. We might be more fiscally sound and be able to pay all our bills and go on more adventures. I would feel proud of myself and be more physically active and maybe even able to help people do the same.
Jesus I want to give You the worries, fears and past traumas so I can live in today with you, loving myself and Karen and those You put in my path. I see myself walking and smiling and dancing in my heart. Please help me live this. Amen
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My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
The Lord is with you always.