“When you’re doing what’s right for you, it’s okay to say it once, simply, and then refuse to discuss anything further.” – Toby Rice Drews
- are people pleasers
- are controlling
- cover things up
- assign/use guilt or try to alleviate guilt
- repress feelings and thoughts
- have ulterior motives
- have low self-esteem or self-worth and feel a lot of shame
- react inappropriately
- allow abuse and use badgering as a tool
- justify, rationalize, compensate and threaten
Codependent communication is indirect and not forthright, regardless of intention.
Fear of rejection fuels our inability to say who we are and what we want or need or allow others to do the same.
The words we speak reflect who we are. If we don’t love or trust our thoughts, feelings or wants and feel we are not worthy, we will judge others and expect them to have all the answers. We will control others to ensure they are “pleased” and force things to happen because that is all we have.
To speak openly and honestly is fun!
- Who we are is okay.
- Our feelings and wants are okay.
- Our opinions count.
- Its okay to discuss our problems.
- Its okay to say no.
When your answer is “No,” start out with “No.” Don’t start with: I don’t think so…
- I feel…
- This is what I think…
- This is what I need…
- This is what I want…
It is not polite to lie about what you want, need, think or feel – It is lying.
Other phrases we should become comfortable with:
- I love you but I love me too…
- This is what I need to do to take care of me…
It is okay to ignore other people’s nonsense. We can tell others, “I am sorry you are having problems,” and then let it go. We don’t have to fix them.
Phrases we can use to defend ourselves:
- I don’t want to discuss this…
- This is my limit…
- I will not tolerate this…
- “Why Am I Afraid To Tell You Who I Am” by John Powell
- “How to be an Assertive (Not Aggressive) Woman in Life, in Love and on the Job” by Jean Baer
Feel free to leave your comments below!
My name is Summer. That is how you can call me. I hope that I am a blessing to you. I am not perfect. I will fall again. But I am forgiven.
Do you know Jesus? Do want the Holy Spirit to fill you and give you understanding and salvation? Ask Him. Want someone to pray with you? Contact me.
If you would like to know Jesus as your friend, but want to make this amazing commitment by yourself please pray something like this:
Thank you Jesus that You are the Son of God, the God that created heaven and earth. Thank you Jesus that You came to earth in the form of a man so that You would be able to empathize with my humanity. Thank You that You did this in order to fulfill the promises You made at the foundation of the world.
I realize that I am a sinner and do things that hurt myself and keep myself away from you. Thank You that You died for my sins so that You could defeat death and bring me into Your life. Please forgive me.
I ask You to be Lord of my life. I ask you to heal my hurts and show me what my new life, empowered by You looks like. Thank You for Your mercy.
The Lord is with you always.