The crinkle of paper and the whisper of a pen
I saw My Commander sign the order
You were given permission to test me but not unto death
You lured me in with promises and built me up
I tried not to believe you but you wore a new disguise
You left me isolated and rejected my loyalty
You beat me with your fists and threw me down on the cold cement
You ran me over with a cargo van and I heard my ribs crack
Your laughter rang shrill as I struggled to breathe
coughing on my own fluids and waiting for you to stop
because I know when you get weak

I wove in and out of my experience
knowing my nightmare was only real in one realm
I could not wake up
no matter how many times Xavier called my name
or jumped off and on the bed

Your eyes twinkled when you blew me up
The sound made Anniessa wince
Her dark eyes grew darker as she watched frozen in her flashback
In sticky piles that covered everything I laid in many places
My nerves were on fire and the air was lingered with smoke
The smell of blood filled my senses
and I knew you were there devising the next encounter
The only intimacy you can truly experience
The taste of blood it doesn’t even answer a dry mouth

His furry striped face stood watch
as I looked at him through eyes full of sleep
I wished for my soldier
but she was far away
His soft paws brushed my face
while I tried to remember how to move my arms

On a road in the desert I knew you were there
I could sense the hidden witnesses who knew nothing
The ground was hard and hot
Nathaniel had joined Anniessa as they stood strong
While red dust blew through their hair and they muffled their thoughts
I watched you quarter me with a steak knife from my kitchen
You laid my parts side by side
You cursed me and could not understand why I was mad
The spit from your mouth was hotter than the wind

I heard my soldier fighting and calling my name
I saw formless minions clenching her arms and covering her mouth
You refused to hear me so I didn’t to speak
Above the muffled screams of my soldier
You made known all your accusations
No one spoke for me because the buildings caught on fire
I knew I was still alive because I remembered His words
You also cursed Him because you didn’t act in your own power

In the arms of my soldier I awoke
as my feline baby wove his way in
Bathed by the softness of their eyes I was finally near peace
Every blow, every burn, every cut still fresh
I cried in pain, in my body and sorrow in my mind
My Commanders voice whispered the truth in the quiet
because He had already won
You can’t reach me unless I let you
and I am learning how to not let you in

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